


Pollywog

by leelee2890 (leelee10289)



Category: Narcos (TV)
Genre: Collection of short stories, Ditzy - Freeform, F/M, Fluff, Funny, Future fun with pets, Humor, If you’ve been following this story it’s now a full story made up of oneshots, Mostly a gag story for my funny bone, pets!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29854548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leelee10289/pseuds/leelee2890
Summary: Steve Murphy meets the Embassy’s forensic specialist who is also Javier Peña’s ditzy....
Relationships: Javier Peña/Original Character(s), Javier Peña/Original Female Character(s), Javier Peña/Reader, Javier Peña/You
Comments: 18
Kudos: 23





	1. Smoke

Steve Murphy was going over the files for the Escobar case he had just joined. His partner, Javier Peña, was out in the field working with the CNP. He had left him there to read the files since he was new. He was about halfway through the first stack when the sound of the fire alarm went off.

"Sorry!" shouted a woman in a bright red jumpsuit.

She was carrying a smoking vial with green liquid.

"I didn't mean to set it off now!" she hollered before finishing her walk down the hall towards the DEA room.

Murphy didn't know what to do when this five foot nine woman walked into the office. Her protection googles were clouding up from the smoke.

"Is Javier here?" she raspy asked before coughing away from the smoke.

"He's out," he said quite confused.

"Aww," she grumbled, "I finally found the right formula, and he's not here."

"Why.... why are you looking for a him?" he asked with a stutter.

The smoke was starting to fill up the office, and it smelt terrible like a skunk plus the fire alarm was still going off.

"Don't worry about it, but tell him I won the bet," she nodded and blew the smoke away from her.

She was gonna say something else when an older woman, wearing a white lab coat, ran into the hallway outside of the DEA office.

"Doctor! Please go back to the lab! You can not walk around creating chemical reactions! Especially highly volatile ones!"

"Sorry!" she shouted before turning to him again, "I'll see ya later!"

Murphy watched stunned as the woman briskly walked off. He was just glad she was taking the terrible smoke with her and turned a few fans on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still writing Woman of Always. I just wanted to get some fluff energy out. I don’t know how often I’ll post, but I got up to 7 chapters of fun.
> 
> I’m also gonna see how long I can go before mentioning their official relationship or her name.
> 
> So have fun guessing if you want.


	2. Consequences

Steve Murphy sat in the office with Ambassador Noonan and Javier Peña to discuss the apparent activity of all the prostitutes going to Medellín after Marta Ochoa's kidnapping.

"All the high class prostitutes are going to Medellín. There's gonna be a big party," Javier explained.

"Fine, but if I find out even one American dollar went to any of those hookers. You'll be shipped out of Bogotá in record time," threatened Noonan.

"Thank you, Ambassador. Is that a new haircut?" Javier flirted.

"Get out," Noonan ordered.

Javier and Murphy quickly left the room.

"Is your informant really a hooker?" he asked his partner.

"Everybody works for somebody," he answered.

"Javier!" a shrilly voice shouted down the hallway.

"Oh no," Javier muttered and looked like he wanted to hide.

"Javier!"

The same woman who had the smoke bomb the other day came running up to them. Her hair was frazzled and her large round frames bounced around on her face with each step. Her white lab coat flapped around her.

"Javier Peña! How dare you lie to me! You told me you were clean!" she shouted.

"I... I...," he stuttered.

"I looked like a fool in front of all of them! How can I call myself a specialist when I'm going around telling people the results were negative!"

She whipped some papers out of her pocket.

"But here it is big fat positive! Does this look like an 'I'm clean' to you! Going around telling people you're fine!"

She shoved the papers into his hand.

"I called your father and told him about this! You know what he did? Laugh at me! Said that's what happens!"

She shook her fist angrily.

"I hate him! Your father is so mean! Mean to me, Javier!"

She snatched her papers back aggressively.

"And now this! I told you to cover up, but no! You're clean! You're not clean! You lit up as positive as a Christmas tree!"

Javier just stood there with his mouth open like he wanted to say something.

"Consequences! You deserve them for this, but even I'm that that cruel to you! Unlike your father who laughed right through the phone at me! Your mother-."

"Doctor! Please stop shouting outside my office and get back to your lab!" Noonan shouted from her office.

"Yes, Ambassador!" the woman shouted back.

She turned to Javier and poked him in the chest before taking a peppermint candy cane from her coat pocket and sticking it in her mouth like a cigarette, unwrapped it first.

"Consequences!" she shouted before marching off to wherever her lab seemed to be.

Javier stood there stunned and holding onto air where the papers had been.

"Do you want to?" Murphy asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," muttered Javier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like I wanted to leave y’all with this. The first chapter wasn’t enough of an example of how this story is gonna go.
> 
> Roughly follows the storyline but not word for word like Woman of Always.
> 
> (Also she’s not gonna be angry for the whole story)


	3. Nose

Steve Murphy was sitting at his desk when Javier Peña limped in. His pink button up had a few splotches of blood on them which was coming from his bandaged nose.

"Whoa, dude! What happened?" he asked concerned.

"I was, uh, with a CI, but, uh, apparently her husband was also there," Javier explained with a muffled voice.

He was holding his nose pretty hard. He fumbled around for his phone and typed in the number.

"Hey, Toby. Can you send the doctor over?" he moaned.

Murphy looked over at his bleeding partner.

"Which doctor? You know which doctor, Toby," Javier snapped at the man on the other side of the phone, "I don't care what she's doing! Send her up!"

He slammed the phone down and grunted into his chair.

"I see you aren't in a good mood," Murphy muttered, "But you kinda deserve that."

He pointed to his bleeding nose.

Javier gave him a very pointed look.

Soon they both heard a large cart rattling down the hallway, and a certain smoke loving woman opened their door.

"Javier, one of these days you're gonna need a real medical professional," she scolded him.

She rolled her cart into the room and took out several bottles and gauze clothes.

"Let it go," she ordered.

He let his nose go just to have more blood splash down on his shirt.

She gave the outside a tweak just for him to holler in pain.

"Mmmh-uh," she nodded and sprayed his face with one of her bottles.

She then held up some gauze to his nose.

"Troublemaker you are. Your father was right when he told me to stay away from you," she tutted.

Javier glared at her.

"I should have listened to him," she continued, "Your shenanigans give me so much grief. I mean look at you all bloody."

She eventually removed the gauze and shoved some cotton balls into his nose a bit aggressively.

"Ow!" he groaned.

"Should have shoved a tampon in there," she poked him in the chest.

Murphy choke on his coffee at that exact moment.

The woman and Javier turned to look at him.

"I'm fine," he choked.

Both of them turned back to their task.

"Honestly Javier," she reached out and patted his shirt with a cloth she had just sprayed.

He grunted.

"Just because I help your father doctor his horses does not mean I'm a medical professional even if you are worse than those horses," she rubbed his shirt gently.

He reached up and grabbed her wrist to stop her. She just swatted him away before placing more gauze on his nose and tapping it together. She cleaned her hands with a wipe and gathered up her supplies.

"Agent Peña, Murphy. Good day," she finished and took a peppermint candy cane from her pocket and stuck one in her mouth before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this may or may not have blown up into a full story in my mind...


	4. Store

Steve Murphy was out getting some ice cream for his wife when he saw Javier leaning against the outside of the pharmacy store. He went to greet him when another figure stepped out. It was the woman who doctored Javier's face and set off the smoking vial.

"Did you get what you needed?" Javier grunted.

"No, they were out of hydrogen peroxide and double A batteries," she told him.

He looked in thought before shaking his head.

"It's too late out to keep looking. We'll get it tomorrow."

"But maybe my theories aren't right. I need to write my report tomorrow," she shook her head, "That's what I get for rewriting the whole thing last night. I guess I'll use the old formula and go with that."

"I'll get it for you tomorrow morning," Javier leaned in before spotting him, " _¡Hola! Murphy!_ " (Hello)

The woman turned around to see him.

"Agent Murphy, what brings you out this fine _mañana_?" she asked happily. (Morning)

" _Noche_ ," Javier corrected. (Night)

She nodded at the correction.

" _Noche_." (Night)

"Connie wanted some ice cream," he answered and nodded to the store.

"Ah, ice cream is always the right answer. Isn't it, Javier?" she nodded to him.

"Only when all the beer is gone," he rumbled.

"I told you, you need to cut back on that. I ran more tests, and you're on track for kidney disease," she pointed at him.

"I'm only as at risk as you are for a cavity," he countered.

The woman very pointedly took out a peppermint candy cane and stuck one in her mouth.

"You can't die from a cavity."


	5. Mopsy

Steve Murphy was on an outing in the park with his wife when he heard a familiar set of voices.

"Oh Javier, I think Miss Mopsy likes it out here. I just wish I could keep her out more."

"Doesn't she belong to the government?" Javier asked.

"I know. Don't tell them I took out the newest test rabbit, but she looked so sad in the cage, all three pounds of fluff. I don't think she's ever been out of the cage before," the woman continued.

Murphy walked over and saw Javier sitting on a bench while the frazzle haired woman was cuddling a brown and white lop bunny on the grass.

"Javi?" he asked.

Both embassy workers turned to look at him.

"Murphy, Connie," Javier greeted.

The woman scooped up the bunny and walked over.

"Agent Murphy, Nurse Connie," the woman greeted, "Meet Miss Mopsy."

"Oh! How cute!" Connie cooed and rubbed its body.

"Thank you," the woman answered, "I think I'll keep her as a control group bunny. I don't want to shoot her up with crack cocaine."

"What?" Connie's smile instantly faded at that.

"Well, my advisors want us to move up from rats although I think the brains are more similar than bunnies," the woman continued, "But a different type of test sample would be prudent."

Connie looked appalled.

"But don't worry. This one is safe. I don't like testing on animals, but apparently it's frowned upon to test on humans," the woman defended, "I mean you can ask Javier. He was one of my first test subjects."

"And I've been paying for it ever since," Javier grumbled.

"What are you doing out here, Javi?" Murphy asked.

Javier grunted and pointed to the rabbit.

"Apparently the doctor said it needed air. I didn't think she meant to the park."

"But she appreciates it so much, Javier. Look her ears are a little less floppy," she shoved the bunny into his arms.

He scowled at it.

"Flop flop," she flopped the ears gently.

His scowl only deepened.

"How long have you known Javi?" Connie asked.

"Oh I don't know, since we were kids. My mother came to see his mother one day. I don't remember why. But we've been together ever since," she replied.

"Too long," Javi grumbled.

"That's a long time," Connie noted.

"Oh I know. He's so old," she added.

"Okay," Javier's voice got a bit louder, "Time to take it back to the lab."

"My lunch break is almost over isn't it?" she looked up to the sky to see where the sun was positioned, "Yep, well past one o'clock."

Javier gestured to the bunny in his arms.

"Well, I'll see ya'll later," she told them before going after Javier.

Murphy could see her slip a candy cane in her mouth. A thought occurred to him and turned to his wife.

"Did you get her name?"


	6. Spilled

Steve Murphy was pulling files from a cabinet when he heard a bang on the other side of the wall.

"Javier! Leave!" a female voice shouted.

"Alright! Just give me a minute! You needed my help a minute ago," Javier's voice called out.

"That was before you got my clothes dirty! Now I got bodily fluid on my pants!" she shouted.

Murphy stepped out of the files room to see Javier sheepishly leave the adjacent closet. His clothes were wrinkled in several spots.

A second later, the woman from earlier stepped out too. Her pants were wet with some yellow pinkish fluid, and her lab coat was also covered in the same substance.

"I can't believe this. Ugh, I'm gonna have to shower in the sanitation station," she huffed before turning to Javier, "I told you not to unlatch that lid. Cory had moved the specimen up here."

"And why not have it in the designated lab?" he asked pointedly.

She huffed back at him.

"It needed to be a certain condition. The lighting, the moister, the temperature... that and the lab rat is stupid. I told him that the upstairs laboratory was ideal. We have a specific closet for such things, but no! He said it had to be this one. Now we've lost a significant amount of research from this," she hissed.

"I didn't mean to unlatch it. I was looking for the handle," Javier apologized.

Murphy could see that he had yellow pinkish spots on his shirt now.

"Pitch black and on a high shelf," Javier continued.

"Worst closet in all of Bogotá," she agreed.

They both looked at each other and smiled at an inside joke.

"I think I need a shower too," he added.

"I think there's spare clothes for you. It would probably be safer if you also took a sanitation shower," she looked him down, "And burn those clothes."

"Do you want me to go ahead and grab that bucket? I think the handle is safe," he noted.

She shook her head.

"I think I'll just call the biohazard crew for it now. It's been exposed to us, and I desperately need out of these clothes."

The smell finally hit Murphy, and he jolted into a filing cabinet alerting the two to his presence.

"What is that, and why are you two not reacting?" he gasped.

"The smell of rotting flesh," she answered, "It's more like foot soup."

"You'll get used to it," Javier commented.

"Although this batch is particularly nasty," she defended Murphy's reaction a bit.

"She used to make me help her hunt for dead animals," Javier explained with a Cheshire grin.

"Stop telling people that, Javier. You make me sound like a serial killer," she scolded and turned to Murphy, "It was purely scientific. I promise."

"I think you want to call the biohazard crew now," Murphy coughed into his shirt.

"Probably," she nodded and gestured for Javier to follow her.

Murphy heard their footsteps, as they walked away from the carnage.


End file.
